Hunting Jesus

Much and nothing have happened since my last post. Call me lazy or call me unmotivated, both are likely true. It's been a years of trials, that's for sure. The comfortable norm upset. And in a way that's a good thing. I'm rid of baggage that I'm better off without, and moreover once again motivated to do things. To imagine, to write, to dream, and to work my Art. It's amazing how stagnant and dull one can become when someone else takes over your life.

But enough of that. As I type this I'm in the process of perhaps the oddest project I've undertaken to date. At my Lady's (insistent) prompting, I am endeavoring to become a Christian again. What the fuck, I know. Though I don't understand her reasoning at the moment, I'm willing to trust. So I go attempting to re-engage (rebuild, recreate?) the faith I once had. Not easy going mind you, as I now know so much of my previous errors. So in a way it becomes an exercise of suspension of disbelief - on a personally epic scale.

So shhhhhhh, be very very quiet. I'm hunting Jesus...

Seduction

I ask for so little. Just let me rule you and you can have everything that you want. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave! - The Goblin King, Labyrinth

I was pondering over a number of things when I ran across this quote in the sig of one of the members of a forum I frequent. Now, I remember when Labyrinth came out, always liked that movie. But pondering such matters as I am tonight - trust, betrayal, perception, love, God, and the gods - this one little line puts a lot of things into perspective. Jareth, the Goblin King's line there is obviously a seduction, a promise of all the world if only Sarah will bow to his will, give her life to him. The fallacy here is obvious - if Sarah does as the Goblin King says and lets him rule her, it matters little if he says he'll be her slave, because in the end he still rules her. She is still ends up the slave in this arrangement. Anyone with a brain can see this is a false promise then. A pretty lie intended to lure her in and make her give up her freedom of her own free will. A seduction. Further, it is obvious as well that this is not a promise made out of love but of a desire to control, to dominate, to supplement Sarah's will and mold her to the Goblin King's wishes. This is not love. This is tyranny, hidden beneath a velvet glove. In other words, the seduction is a lie.

A lot of times one hears so much about how God, the Christian god that is, loves us and gives us free will and all that, and how any other gods are o-so-dangerous demons out to eat our souls like so much trail mix. Or some such. There's lots of different variations on that theme out there, but who the hell cares really? After you've heard it the first million times, one-million-and-one sounds the same as all the rest.

Lets take a look at this rationally shall we? First, lets examine the Christian god. We know out the starting gate that he is a jealous god, as the traditional rendition of the 1st Commandment states:

"I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; you shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and fourth generation of those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments." - Deuteronomy 5:6-21

Regardless of the oddity that a supposedly all powerful and perfect being having feelings of jealousy (which by the way, is a sin as the 10th Commandment implies) and the obvious reference that yes Dorothy there are other gods, this alone shows us that this god cannot stand competition in the slightest. And certainly the idea of sharing is right out the window. Plus, he's already stated he's a right git - I mean, who the hell punishes kids for their parents' offenses? This is supposed to be just? Let's look further at the character this god exhibits shall we?

And now, O Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, - Deuteronomy 10:12

And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive. - Matthew 21:22

I had planned on digging deeper, but as I was fighting with the search engine trying to find half remembered verses I came across the gem of Deuteronomy 10:12. Combined with the Matthew verse, I don't need to look for any further support do I? Combined, they echo the Goblin King's words almost verbatim. "Fear me, love me, do as I say, and I'll give you the world. Oh, and by the way, everyone else is an evil monster." With the unspoken addendum that if you don't take this "glorious" offer he'll ship you off to be tortured for all eternity in hell, of course.

Now, lets look at the pagan gods. Y'know, the ones everybody and their neighbor swears are evil demons out to corrupt our souls. I'm going to narrow it down a bit, and look only at my relationship with Hekate here, so as to be most accurate. Never once has she asked that I let her rule me, never once has she demanded I do as she asks. Not once. In fact, I've specifically not done as she asked on a number of occasions since my dedication, and she hasn't even gotten cross with me. Nor does she ask that I fear her. In fact, I have found it true that she favors those who don't fear her. And love? She never asked me to love her, I just do - not for what she can give me, but for who she is behind the veils and fearsome reputation. She has never promised me the world either, despite what some of you may think from a certain quote - remember, what's not said is as important as what's said. In many cases, she simply shows me the way, I have to do the work myself. It is the same with that enigmatic quote. She has given me some things, yes, but she has also stated flat out when she cannot or will not give me something asked for. So, in short yon peanut gallery, she does not rule me. It is instead all about us. Because that is what the focus of the relationship is like - not all about her or all about me, but all about us. Further, as I've belabored a good deal on the Cypress Nemeton forums (mainly here and here, also note my current attitudes toward "evil" here as opposed to a few short months ago when I didn't believe there was such a thing rather relativist fashion), she has prompted a good deal of change in me - I am, to use the phrase, a "better" person now than I was even as little as six months ago. Of my own free will, not because someone rules me. And, as a kicker, what happens if I don't take her up on this metaphoric offer, or if I want out later? I walk away, free and clear, no consequences. This she has promised.

So, in the final analysis, one offers an almost precise parroting of the Goblin King's fallacious promises, whereas the other offers only free partnership. Who's the real evil monster here, hmm? Seems rather damn obvious to me, despite the pretty lies. Or, as my ex-girlfriend once quoted "There is something more fearful than darkness, and that is a mask of garish light..."

You have no power over me, Goblin King.

The Key & The Gate

Yog-Sothoth knows the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the key and guardian of the gate. Past, present, future, all are one in Yog-Sothoth. He knows where the Old Ones broke through of old, and where They shall break through again. He knows where They have trod earth's fields, and where They still tread them, and why no one can behold Them as They tread.
—H. P. Lovecraft, "The Dunwich Horror"

In the Cthulhu mythos, Yog-Sothoth is one of the Outer Gods, the primary movers and shapers of Lovecraft's fictional universe. It is, in essence, the time/space continuum personified, dwelling outside both space and time yet simultaneously co-existent with all spaces and times. Essentially, Yog-Sothoth is omnipresent and by default omniscient, which makes it curious then that in some stories it appears unable to enter the physical world without being summoned. Ah well, poetic license I suppose.

In any case, I was reading one of the myriad vague descriptions of my Lady Hekate that exists on the web the other day, something particularly Wiccan influenced as I recall but still bearing seeds of truth, when I realized something. Hekate is Yog-Sothoth.

Not literally of course - as she certainly isn't a collection of soap bubbles - but she is a goddess of the crossroads, a psychopomp, and a tripartite ruler of the heavens, earth/underworld, and seas. She is occasionally depicted holding keys and such items are reported as having some special significance with her cult in ancient times. It is very easy then to see her as an archetypal walker between worlds, a guide that can open the ways between "here" and "there" in much the same way Yog-Sothoth does in Lovecraft's stories.

But it goes beyond that. She is, following the reoccurring themes of her domains, a goddess of transitions, of change. It is thought that Hekate was a major figure in the practice of the Eleusian Mysteries, a spiritual guide to the initiate, aiding him or her along the path to the ultimate goal of the Mysteries. This is certainly, after a fashion, one of the major roles she has assumed in my relationship with her. As such, Hekate metaphorically is indeed the key and the gate to higher orders of existence.

Due to the fact that Lovecraft got a good deal of his inspiration from his dreams, there are some who see him as a prophet of sorts, couching his unintended message in the metaphor of his stories. In some ways, I can indeed see this as plausible. If that be the case, perhaps Hekate herself arranged for the birth of Yog-Sothoth into the literary ether. Regardless of whether this dubious idea is true, I can certainly see the benefits of a degree of such identification to any practitioner familiar with Lovecraft's work.

Not Alone Anymore

Very, very recently I was privileged to be witness, albeit remotely, to a very beautiful thing - a joining of spirits. And I don't mean sex, although it could be likened to that by way of analogy I suppose. No, I'm referring to that of my Lady Hekate joining her spirit to that of a young woman that I am acquainted to. One of the young woman's comments during this that stands out most in my mind was, paraphrased, "Holy Cow! I know what this feels like! It's like when during Confirmation, when I was filled with the Holy Spirit!". Indeed, Evangelical Christians typically refer to this as the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. It is, in practice, basically the same thing as the phenomenon I'm talking about - though obviously their baptism does not include Hekate in any way, shape, or form. This event prompts me though to think back on my own joining with my Lady, and on the concept of joining spirits as a whole.

Invocation
Invocation, in this context the ritual invitation of a spirit (generally a deity) into a voluntary practitioner, is the most common form of spiritual union in modern magic and paganism. Phil Hine, one of my favorite authors on the topic of Chaos Magic, gives an excellent overview of such here. Ideally, invocation results in a form of possession for the during of the ritual, with the volunteer's persona subsumed and the deity's persona in control. This is generally done in order to facilitate practical matters - oracular pronouncements, magical workings, etc - in the circles I am familiar with, but worship is also a reason some make use of invoked possession. In terms of joining of spirits, invocation can be a profound experience, but it is at it's core a temporary condition - one to be ended when the ritual comes to an end. As such it is, ideally, dramatic and flashy, but ultimately limited in scope.

Of course, any discussion of possession in modern times must by necessity touch on the Christian concept of demonic possession it seems. Aside from the nauseatingly obvious theology issues, the fundamental difference between demonic possession and religious or invoked possession is that in the former the subject is unwilling. Hence, while it is relevant to this discussion in the sense that a joining that has outlasted the recipient's willing participation could be seen as similar to a demonic possession, the two concepts are really rather different despite their practical similarity. Demonic possession does teach us an important lesson though - anything that outstays it's welcome is very much a problem.

Inspiration
This brings us to the concept of inspiration. Having it's origins in Hellenic and Hebrew traditions, this term often refers to an individual being influenced (literally "breathed upon") by the divine resulting in sacred writings, prophecies, etc. This term is often taken for granted in modern culture, but let's look deeper at it for a moment. To be inspired, to have divine knowledge imparted into one's being - this is certainly nothing to sneeze at or casually push aside as it so often is in the modern world. In a sense, it can be thought of as a low level form of possession. A temporary union with the divine that brings with it knowledge and leaves one breathless. While I can't speak from direct personal experience about invocation, this is a matter I can talk about. Since I dedicated myself to my Lady Hekate about a year ago, I have been privileged to a number of such moments of inspiration. They are fleeting, and not always of great importance in the scheme of things, but the sensation - the sudden realization that you know something that you couldn't possible have known before - well, it really can't be properly described unless you've experienced it. I had some moments like this during my Christian days long ago, but never to the extent, frequency, or intensity that I experience them now.

But there is another benefit to inspiration beyond the obvious I have noted - calm. When you know you are in contact with something beyond you, beyond the stresses of normal life, it produces a different attitude. Things that would normally be stressing or irritating become merely annoying as they are clearly seen as the trivialities that they are. Christianity brags of this as a "peace beyond understanding" as if it is their exclusive property, but it is neither beyond understanding or exclusive. All it takes is contact, inspiration.

So how does inspiration come about? Well, not worrying about such things as fleeting inspiration or the possibility of psychic knowledge, from analysis inspiration would seem to be a benefit of attunement to a particular deity. As Phil notes in his essay Cthulhu Madness "To know the god - to be accepted by it - to feel its mysteries, well you have to let that madness wash over you, and through you." This is the reality of attuning oneself to a god - in essence, joining one's spirit with the deity after a fashion by means of accepting this divine madness. This process can be either slow and gradual, as it was with me, or sudden and dramatic as it was for the young lady I noted above. As to which is qualitatively "better" it really depends on the person I think. We are all aware of the life changing potential of a sudden dramatic "conversion" experience, but I think in the long run a gradual infusion of and immersion in a god's spirit can produce a deeper, stronger bond.

Or perhaps that is my ego talking.

Elevation
So what's the point of all this? What good is it? Well, beyond the occult benefits and the psychological benefits I've already mentioned, it seems that their is an overlooked possibility in regards to spiritual union with the divine - the potential of elevation. Although the exact means are not something I know, in a moment of inspiration the other day I understood that spiritual union with a god is a necessary step of theurgy along the path of evolution of the human soul to a higher state. What the whole of the path is I don't know, but now at least I see the road ahead of me and know where it leads.

One just has to have faith.