Hunting Jesus

Much and nothing have happened since my last post. Call me lazy or call me unmotivated, both are likely true. It's been a years of trials, that's for sure. The comfortable norm upset. And in a way that's a good thing. I'm rid of baggage that I'm better off without, and moreover once again motivated to do things. To imagine, to write, to dream, and to work my Art. It's amazing how stagnant and dull one can become when someone else takes over your life.

But enough of that. As I type this I'm in the process of perhaps the oddest project I've undertaken to date. At my Lady's (insistent) prompting, I am endeavoring to become a Christian again. What the fuck, I know. Though I don't understand her reasoning at the moment, I'm willing to trust. So I go attempting to re-engage (rebuild, recreate?) the faith I once had. Not easy going mind you, as I now know so much of my previous errors. So in a way it becomes an exercise of suspension of disbelief - on a personally epic scale.

So shhhhhhh, be very very quiet. I'm hunting Jesus...

A Much Needed Vacation

So, for the first time in a couple of years I'm on vacation. This time, like many before, that means heading West. To clarify, I live in Wisconsin of all places, so west means (generally speaking) South Dakota, Wyoming, and the like. In fact, I'm setting in a motel in Mitchel SD as I type this. It's rather nice, not a pricey or fancy place, but I like it. The Thunderbird Lodge in case you're wondering (if you know the area). Intending to try for Yellowstone, if things work out right.

Anyway, I've been largely silent for the past few months, with only a few half-snide allusions to spending too much time on World of Warcraft as explanation. While that is partly the truth, and I meant no offense to anyone with said allusions, the other half of the truth is that I'm burned out. I'm sick of discussing, debating, and arguing about religion and related matters. In some senses it's all become way too personal, and in many many others it has simply become far to frustrating. After all, it's not like there is any real, objective answers or evidence involved in religion and spirituality to begin with, and as a result it's rather difficult to debate a point to begin with but ultimately determining and discussing the truth of any religious or spiritual matter is essentially as fruitful and meaningful as discussing the flavors of ice cream available on Mars.

This doesn't mean that one cannot disprove things of a religious/spiritual nature - if an idea is internally inconsistent or simply logically untenable it's a pretty fair bet that concept is false. However, while proving this in debate/discussion is rather easy, convincing people to accept that such common sense is actually true can be a matter of Herculean proportions. Discussion only works as a means of learning if both parties are willing to learn and grow.

Anyway, enough babble. West has always been sort of a spiritual thing for me, and in addition to mundane fun I'm sort of looking forward to actually experiencing again rather than merely talking. But someone else wants to use the computer here, so off I go.

Seduction

I ask for so little. Just let me rule you and you can have everything that you want. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave! - The Goblin King, Labyrinth

I was pondering over a number of things when I ran across this quote in the sig of one of the members of a forum I frequent. Now, I remember when Labyrinth came out, always liked that movie. But pondering such matters as I am tonight - trust, betrayal, perception, love, God, and the gods - this one little line puts a lot of things into perspective. Jareth, the Goblin King's line there is obviously a seduction, a promise of all the world if only Sarah will bow to his will, give her life to him. The fallacy here is obvious - if Sarah does as the Goblin King says and lets him rule her, it matters little if he says he'll be her slave, because in the end he still rules her. She is still ends up the slave in this arrangement. Anyone with a brain can see this is a false promise then. A pretty lie intended to lure her in and make her give up her freedom of her own free will. A seduction. Further, it is obvious as well that this is not a promise made out of love but of a desire to control, to dominate, to supplement Sarah's will and mold her to the Goblin King's wishes. This is not love. This is tyranny, hidden beneath a velvet glove. In other words, the seduction is a lie.

A lot of times one hears so much about how God, the Christian god that is, loves us and gives us free will and all that, and how any other gods are o-so-dangerous demons out to eat our souls like so much trail mix. Or some such. There's lots of different variations on that theme out there, but who the hell cares really? After you've heard it the first million times, one-million-and-one sounds the same as all the rest.

Lets take a look at this rationally shall we? First, lets examine the Christian god. We know out the starting gate that he is a jealous god, as the traditional rendition of the 1st Commandment states:

"I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; you shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and fourth generation of those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments." - Deuteronomy 5:6-21

Regardless of the oddity that a supposedly all powerful and perfect being having feelings of jealousy (which by the way, is a sin as the 10th Commandment implies) and the obvious reference that yes Dorothy there are other gods, this alone shows us that this god cannot stand competition in the slightest. And certainly the idea of sharing is right out the window. Plus, he's already stated he's a right git - I mean, who the hell punishes kids for their parents' offenses? This is supposed to be just? Let's look further at the character this god exhibits shall we?

And now, O Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, - Deuteronomy 10:12

And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive. - Matthew 21:22

I had planned on digging deeper, but as I was fighting with the search engine trying to find half remembered verses I came across the gem of Deuteronomy 10:12. Combined with the Matthew verse, I don't need to look for any further support do I? Combined, they echo the Goblin King's words almost verbatim. "Fear me, love me, do as I say, and I'll give you the world. Oh, and by the way, everyone else is an evil monster." With the unspoken addendum that if you don't take this "glorious" offer he'll ship you off to be tortured for all eternity in hell, of course.

Now, lets look at the pagan gods. Y'know, the ones everybody and their neighbor swears are evil demons out to corrupt our souls. I'm going to narrow it down a bit, and look only at my relationship with Hekate here, so as to be most accurate. Never once has she asked that I let her rule me, never once has she demanded I do as she asks. Not once. In fact, I've specifically not done as she asked on a number of occasions since my dedication, and she hasn't even gotten cross with me. Nor does she ask that I fear her. In fact, I have found it true that she favors those who don't fear her. And love? She never asked me to love her, I just do - not for what she can give me, but for who she is behind the veils and fearsome reputation. She has never promised me the world either, despite what some of you may think from a certain quote - remember, what's not said is as important as what's said. In many cases, she simply shows me the way, I have to do the work myself. It is the same with that enigmatic quote. She has given me some things, yes, but she has also stated flat out when she cannot or will not give me something asked for. So, in short yon peanut gallery, she does not rule me. It is instead all about us. Because that is what the focus of the relationship is like - not all about her or all about me, but all about us. Further, as I've belabored a good deal on the Cypress Nemeton forums (mainly here and here, also note my current attitudes toward "evil" here as opposed to a few short months ago when I didn't believe there was such a thing rather relativist fashion), she has prompted a good deal of change in me - I am, to use the phrase, a "better" person now than I was even as little as six months ago. Of my own free will, not because someone rules me. And, as a kicker, what happens if I don't take her up on this metaphoric offer, or if I want out later? I walk away, free and clear, no consequences. This she has promised.

So, in the final analysis, one offers an almost precise parroting of the Goblin King's fallacious promises, whereas the other offers only free partnership. Who's the real evil monster here, hmm? Seems rather damn obvious to me, despite the pretty lies. Or, as my ex-girlfriend once quoted "There is something more fearful than darkness, and that is a mask of garish light..."

You have no power over me, Goblin King.

Evolution And Such

"You will die, and be reborn. Reborn as a hero like those that roamed the Earth of old, before the pale religions of civilization infected the soul of humanity!" - David Banner, The Hulk

"You are a god amongst insects. Never let anyone tell you otherwise." - Magneto to Pyro, X-Men 2

I've been thinking a lot on the topic of evolution recently, both spiritual and physical (Darwinian or otherwise), and the implications of such an idea. Nothing really concrete, but more a bunch of random ideas. Reflecting this jumble of thoughts, this entry will likely be a bit less structured and more vague. But maybe that's nothing new.

I've always liked comics, particularly the X-Men, Ghost Rider, and Dr. Strange. I stopped reading back in the day but still love the concept. The new crop of Marvel movies (X-Men, Spiderman, Daredevil, Ghost Rider, The Hulk, etc) have all been rather good in my opinion - especially the X-Men and Ghost Rider. However, it is X-Men and the Hulk that have been the most realistic I think - not because of the subject matter but because of how the governments and normal people react to the superhumans depicted. Uniformly, they react with fear and hatred, attempting to destroy what they fear...because it's better than them. This I think is the normal state of humanity, to fear and try to destroy that which is different because difference is automatically perceived as threatening. But that's not the only reflection of our world these fictions hold.

It's been said that modern comics, sci fi and fantasy stories, etc fill the place the myths did in previous cultures, and to an extent I agree with this. What I think many fail to recognize is why this may be the case. I think, on a very fundamental level, we as human beings need stories of the superhuman. Not only do such stories provide role models and cautionary tales after a sense, they also provide the hope that we can be something more than what we are. Of course, no one takes such stories seriously these days - no one realistically thinks they're going to wake up one day an toss around semis with mentally generated magnetic fields. Indeed, it's entirely possible that no one in antiquity took stories such as the Iliad & the Odyssey absolutely literally either. It is our modern conceit to think that they must have because they were superstitious ancient people, but this does not make it so. No, it is my opinion that something in such stories speaks to a deep part of our minds, to a part that wants both more control and more involvement in the world we inhabit.

Originally myths of this nature were essentially religious stories - this must not be overlooked. As Christianity came along and relegated these stories to the dustbin of history humanity lost something of itself. All of these varied and differing myths were replaced in essence with the solitary myth of the gospels. A case could be made that the legends surrounding the various Catholic saints filled this void to an extend, but the character of them is fundamentally different than the old stories. In the saint legends, the formula is generally Saint SoAndSo was a pious guy, did a couple of cool things, then keeled over and went to heaven with God. Contrast this with the Greek myths, wherein the hero was often semi-divine to begin with (Heracles, Perseus, etc), did a bunch of cool stuff, died, and in the best of cases was lifted into the heavens and became a god in their own right. Not just hung out in heaven with God/the gods, but became a god.

For a long time, the superhuman was generally demonized by Western civilization. At first in reality with the various witch trials and later in fiction, which is the essence of the horror genre - the conflict between human and superhuman. After all, at it's core that is what stories like Dracula, Frankenstein, and the like are about. But with the advent of the 20th century we have something relatively new, the widespread rebirth of the heroic superhuman. This is not to say that heroic superhumans didn't exist in literature beforehand - Merlin for example. But in the 20th century the concept became, again, truly common in literature. True, most of these stories - comics, pulp magazines, etc - where "supposed" to be aimed at youth but that isn't really the case when you look at it. Especially in today's market, comic based sci fi and fantasy stories are big business.

The question remains though of why. These stories speak to the subconscious I think, to a need and desire within each of us to become something more than what we are, to transcend the tedious roll of everyday life and do something that actually means something for once. To transcend not just our physical limitations but our psychological and spiritual limits as well. In short, to grow, to evolve. In a sense these stories came back because we as a civilization wanted them to come back. Stagnation, after all, can only last so long before change occurs. We know, I think, on a subconscious level but as a civilization that now more than ever we must evolve beyond what we are or perish. Adapt or die. And so the old stories are new again.

What happens next is up to you.

Individual Merit

One of the things that has always annoyed me is the premise that all people are of equal merit. That may sound like a horrible statement, but think about it a minute - the people that you encounter on a daily basis, are they really and truly of equal value? Is a serial killer for instance of equal value as a altruistic paramedic that spends most of their time on call to help people at a moment's notice? Were the terrorists that piloted airliners into the World Trade Center of equal value to the firefighters that died trying to help people when those buildings collapsed? Yes they were, or at least this is what the Abrahamic religions tell us. I see things a different way though.

In my view, merit and worth must be earned. There is nothing intrinsically sacred about the individual life, this is apparent from even a cursory look at history and reality. People die all the time, even by the millions, and the world goes on turning without blinking an eye. Life, as a whole, continues regardless of the individual and the majority are only remembered by those few that knew them. Only those individuals who make something of themselves, who make a splash, who achieve something beyond the norm are remembered. As above, so below.

In this view of the value of human life then, it is our own merits that give us value instead of some arbitrarily vague standard. Our own strength, knowledge, drive, caring, zest, dedication, courage, spirituality, or whatever. Unlike arbitrary merit, which leads to uniform mediocrity, this view of life prompts the individual to constantly strive to better oneself. It is this type of virtue then that does us merit, and this type of virtue we must cultivate if we desire to go beyond this life rather than fading like dust in the wind if reality proves to be consistent.

That may seem an odd statement, but think about it for a second. In physics or in group dynamics the same principle applies - weak field effects or groups that are impacted catastrophically tend to disperse, while stronger effects/groups can weather the storm. If the individual soul is seen as a matrix of subtle energy (and there is really no plausible alternative if one considers the soul a real "object"), then if the Hermetic principle holds true only a strong soul can survive catastrophic impact. And what can be more catastrophic than death?

So nourish your strengths my friends...

Not Alone Anymore

Very, very recently I was privileged to be witness, albeit remotely, to a very beautiful thing - a joining of spirits. And I don't mean sex, although it could be likened to that by way of analogy I suppose. No, I'm referring to that of my Lady Hekate joining her spirit to that of a young woman that I am acquainted to. One of the young woman's comments during this that stands out most in my mind was, paraphrased, "Holy Cow! I know what this feels like! It's like when during Confirmation, when I was filled with the Holy Spirit!". Indeed, Evangelical Christians typically refer to this as the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. It is, in practice, basically the same thing as the phenomenon I'm talking about - though obviously their baptism does not include Hekate in any way, shape, or form. This event prompts me though to think back on my own joining with my Lady, and on the concept of joining spirits as a whole.

Invocation
Invocation, in this context the ritual invitation of a spirit (generally a deity) into a voluntary practitioner, is the most common form of spiritual union in modern magic and paganism. Phil Hine, one of my favorite authors on the topic of Chaos Magic, gives an excellent overview of such here. Ideally, invocation results in a form of possession for the during of the ritual, with the volunteer's persona subsumed and the deity's persona in control. This is generally done in order to facilitate practical matters - oracular pronouncements, magical workings, etc - in the circles I am familiar with, but worship is also a reason some make use of invoked possession. In terms of joining of spirits, invocation can be a profound experience, but it is at it's core a temporary condition - one to be ended when the ritual comes to an end. As such it is, ideally, dramatic and flashy, but ultimately limited in scope.

Of course, any discussion of possession in modern times must by necessity touch on the Christian concept of demonic possession it seems. Aside from the nauseatingly obvious theology issues, the fundamental difference between demonic possession and religious or invoked possession is that in the former the subject is unwilling. Hence, while it is relevant to this discussion in the sense that a joining that has outlasted the recipient's willing participation could be seen as similar to a demonic possession, the two concepts are really rather different despite their practical similarity. Demonic possession does teach us an important lesson though - anything that outstays it's welcome is very much a problem.

Inspiration
This brings us to the concept of inspiration. Having it's origins in Hellenic and Hebrew traditions, this term often refers to an individual being influenced (literally "breathed upon") by the divine resulting in sacred writings, prophecies, etc. This term is often taken for granted in modern culture, but let's look deeper at it for a moment. To be inspired, to have divine knowledge imparted into one's being - this is certainly nothing to sneeze at or casually push aside as it so often is in the modern world. In a sense, it can be thought of as a low level form of possession. A temporary union with the divine that brings with it knowledge and leaves one breathless. While I can't speak from direct personal experience about invocation, this is a matter I can talk about. Since I dedicated myself to my Lady Hekate about a year ago, I have been privileged to a number of such moments of inspiration. They are fleeting, and not always of great importance in the scheme of things, but the sensation - the sudden realization that you know something that you couldn't possible have known before - well, it really can't be properly described unless you've experienced it. I had some moments like this during my Christian days long ago, but never to the extent, frequency, or intensity that I experience them now.

But there is another benefit to inspiration beyond the obvious I have noted - calm. When you know you are in contact with something beyond you, beyond the stresses of normal life, it produces a different attitude. Things that would normally be stressing or irritating become merely annoying as they are clearly seen as the trivialities that they are. Christianity brags of this as a "peace beyond understanding" as if it is their exclusive property, but it is neither beyond understanding or exclusive. All it takes is contact, inspiration.

So how does inspiration come about? Well, not worrying about such things as fleeting inspiration or the possibility of psychic knowledge, from analysis inspiration would seem to be a benefit of attunement to a particular deity. As Phil notes in his essay Cthulhu Madness "To know the god - to be accepted by it - to feel its mysteries, well you have to let that madness wash over you, and through you." This is the reality of attuning oneself to a god - in essence, joining one's spirit with the deity after a fashion by means of accepting this divine madness. This process can be either slow and gradual, as it was with me, or sudden and dramatic as it was for the young lady I noted above. As to which is qualitatively "better" it really depends on the person I think. We are all aware of the life changing potential of a sudden dramatic "conversion" experience, but I think in the long run a gradual infusion of and immersion in a god's spirit can produce a deeper, stronger bond.

Or perhaps that is my ego talking.

Elevation
So what's the point of all this? What good is it? Well, beyond the occult benefits and the psychological benefits I've already mentioned, it seems that their is an overlooked possibility in regards to spiritual union with the divine - the potential of elevation. Although the exact means are not something I know, in a moment of inspiration the other day I understood that spiritual union with a god is a necessary step of theurgy along the path of evolution of the human soul to a higher state. What the whole of the path is I don't know, but now at least I see the road ahead of me and know where it leads.

One just has to have faith.