Prehistoric Scribbles I - What Would Jesus Do?

I've decided to post here a series of articles I wrote waaaaaaay back in the days when I was on Delphi, now that I've found them again. Here's the first.

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What Would Jesus Do?
One of evangelical Christianity's favorite questions, second only to "Who do you think Jesus is?" I've got a better one for you though. If Jesus was on Earth today, what would he be doing? Would he have a TV show, preaching the "good news" globally in 24ish different languages? Would he come out in an Armani suit, discuss the news from "God's perspective", and preform miracles live? Would he go on tour, performing miracles as he moved from town to town with his entourage, staying in the best hotels and renting civic centers for the tour? Would he run for president? Would he go apeshit and beat "cult" leaders to within an inch of their lives for impersonating him? Would he beat gay people in his own name? Would Jesus be on-line? Would have a website, and get hundreds of e-mails a day? Would he hang out in chatrooms and message boards, starting flame wars when someone disagreed with him? Would he spam and troll the boards run by people of other religions? As Ray Stevens said, "Would Jesus wear a rolex on his television show?" Would he?

I don't think so. In fact, I'm of the opinion that if Jesus was here today, he would be nauseated by the activities of his so-called followers. I'm reminded of his rantings at the Pharisees and the episode when he cleared out the temple. It becomes quite obvious to almost anyone who reads the New Testament with an eye toward the cultural climate of the time that the popular image of Jesus is not quite right. The picture that comes out if you read it without bias is quite different.

Jesus was a rebel. He did not acknowledge any form of authority other than his own, be it civil or ecclesiastical. He didn't even really acknowledge "God" as having any authority over him, due to the simple fact that he claimed to be the son of "God". If someone questioned him on a matter the response, again and again, is "It is my father's will." Who would question him after that? Jesus hung out and traveled with whores and tax collectors and failed fishermen, the outcasts of society. He traveled the region, crashing wherever anyone would let him and living off the willingly given resources of his admirers. He partied, contrary to the popular opinion. The incident surrounding the "water to wine" miracle is very clearly stated as a wedding party. The wine ran out so he turned water to wine in order that the party could continue. And don't give me this shit about the water in the Middle East not being drinkable, so they drank wine instead. That's a cop out. It seems pretty obvious from the context of the story that the water in question was drinkable, being that it was sitting around in jugs that the party goers didn't seem to have any problems drinking out of. He did the miracle 'cause he wanted more wine, damn it.

So, what's the point? Simple. If Jesus was alive today, he wouldn't act anything like what his followers believe he would. And he certainly wouldn't be on TV asking for donations. If Jesus were alive today, he'd probably be a biker. He'd drink, he may or may not smoke, and he'd probably hang out in bars and strip joints. He'd ride around the country - I envision him on a Fatboy - living as he could from city to city.

Why? Why do I say this? In the New Testament, Jesus helped individuals. Yeah, there were times when he preached to large groups, but in that time, it was more personal even in larger groups. At the time, "larger groups" meant a very different thing than it does now, maybe a thousand people, tops. Jesus's style was mostly individual and, above all personal.

And that's what I see him doing. Getting to know people. Real people...and giving them hope.